Don't Need A Do Over: The Benefit of Moving On.

In a Land Far Away... Central Newfoundland

Ever make a really hard choice, then realize after you do, that it was the most fantastic thing you've done for yourself in a long time?
And it wasn't a matter of being a quitter, or a failure, or a lazy good-for-nothing. But more like the blinders came off, and for the first time you could see all the chaos, all the unwanted clutter and stress, and how it all really wasn't a good fit from the start?

I've decided to, (brace yourselves), move on from the business of photography. This does not mean I'm stepping away from photography itself, because I love working with a camera, I love exploring, I love producing prints... it means I am no longer going to exhaust myself trying to maintain it as a business. You'll notice I didn't say I was "giving up"... because if my 5 years of determined struggling is any indication, I do not fall into the "quitter" category! Rather, I am aiming for something better, for me personally. Something stripped down, creatively productive, and less intense. 

And it feels right. I'm no longer fighting insomnia. I have time to be a wife again. I have time to invest in others. I'm exercising. It's time to invest in the other parts of me that the insanity of a business blocked me from. And I was trying all the things experts said would succeed, believe me. But sometimes it's just not meant to be. When I look back, even in the last year, I spent too much time thinking I had to be the next Jasmine Star/David DuChemin/Ansel Adams combined. It was what everyone around me was doing, and it was what well meaning fans and friends assumed I could easily pull off just cause I can take a good photo. I tried, and tried, and tried some more! Instead I was resenting the camera, which before brought me joy, and I was avoiding clients, ironic since I'm truly a "people person." And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, "I don't need a do-over! What I need is to move on." 

I've been spending the last while quietly phasing it all out, down to where it's just myself, my images, and a few online communities where I can simply grow as an artist, including getting back to blogging. Will I still do the odd shoot for friends?... if they ask. Will I be opposed to selling the odd print? Never... it'd be a thrill. I still have a few clients to finish the odd project for, I'm not bailing on them either. And I will continue to ramble, gosh darn it! It's just not going to be the giant desperate shadow following me around, threatening to overpower me if I don't look productive, feel competitive, or try to beat the trends before they happen. I'm going to do photography for me.

What will you see on the blog?... real life. Big images and simple snap shots. I do have a personal project or two under wraps. And we'll see what happens. With the pressure off, the joy has returned, new experiences await, and I'm free to expand into new territory that was once just a day dream... that's the benefit of moving on.

I'm done with do-overs. Let's move forward.

Would love to hear your stories of when the decision to move forward was the right one and how you felt... let's get some replies up here!

Have a good one gang, and thanks for the ramble...

It's Been Too Long

"Opening Night"

I know you're shocked. Or maybe not. No sunset shot today, no towering architecture, no flowers, no historical ships. This is my image for today, and it's been too long since I've explored the streets of downtown Hamilton with the Nikon. It's been too long since I've had something so different to share with you all. I kind of did a little jig when this image demanded my attention!

Joined our local Hamilton Flickr Group last weekend for a photowalk. And I'm glad, very glad, I did. Not only did I get a chance to connect with a fabulous group of people for a few hours, wandering the streets, being inspired by the different things that would stand out to different people, but I was reminded that it's still fun to hunt for those "photographic gems" that are available to us if we care to look hard enough.

Several telephone and hydro poles were sporting this particular poster... for a rave or music event... and the eyes would follow you no matter where you stood. They really got my attention, and the graphic face emerging from the shadows screamed to be photographed. In my experiment to see how far the eyes would follow me, I wandered past the pole, then looked back in the lens... I realized if I got my exposure right, I'd get the "open" sign in the dark window of the dance studio behind it. Take what you will from it, paper vs neon, the solitary vs the city bustle, blue vs red (ha). Is it the most stunning image I've ever produced. Nope. But it was so much fun to take, and I can't wait to print it up. And that's the point.

If it's been too long since that was you having fun, being excited, creating something you can't wait to share, causing you to give an unrestrained giggle of accomplishment, then maybe its time to revisit something you once had time for. Doesn't have to be photography, and it doesn't have to be complicated. Just has to bring you joy. 

Thanks to the HFG for the great night, for John who got us into the local fire hall with our cameras last minute (and to all the firemen out there, stay safe and thank you for all your hard work at all hours of the day and night)... 

..... and thanks for the Ramble here on the blog, gang! Have a good one!

The Challenge ~ WideAngle Wednesday!

"Give Me One Chance"

My crazy dog. Friends will be able to attest to just how crazy she can be, it's the border collie part of her that is unable to focus for too long on one thing, including sitting for a portrait. Rally is getting older, and I have so very few great images of her that showcase her personality. I'm attempting to remedy this. It's my new personal challenge. My mission. It's driving me nuts.

You're looking at the intense food driven part of her right now. THAT would be the Black Lab in the mix. I am not ashamed to say that I'm holding aloft a dog treat camera right. It's the only reason she's sitting long enough for me to get this shot. I'm lucky I managed to shoot fast enough in the window light to get her eyes in focus with my prime 50mm, the fastest lens I have right now.

I want to use my flash at some point when I photograph her, but I may have to settle for early sun coming in the window instead of late day, and harass one of the kids into holding a reflector to better light the other side of her face... everything about my flash gets swallowed up in her silky black coat, and I am still working on how best to light her. If I can get the shot I see in my head before Friday, I'll share, I promise. The reason I'd love to get some great light on her is mainly so that I can get the best DOF as well. Her nose in focus would be more suitable for this type of portrait. And that obviously didn't happen here.

On a completely unrelated topic, if my husband tunes in to the blog today I'd like to wish him a very Happy Birthday. I'd have a portrait of him up, but he too is hard to peg down for a photo the minute a camera comes out, and I've yet to find an effective treat to hold up camera right to distract him. Although he's informed me a homemade apple pie would do the trick if I were desperate. Right.

Guess I need to go warm the oven up....

Thanks for the ramble! Have a good one gang!

It's Glorious ~ Floral Friday!

"Bloomin' Sunshine"

I love a challenge don't you? Right now I'm preparing to try some new avenues within my photography for the coming new year. I'm reassessing my skills, deciding what needs an overhaul, where I might be wasting my time, and how I want to present it all. It excites me. It intimidates me.

It's a glorious process.

I'm going to try to include this process here on the blog... my attempts at change, what I'm getting inspiration from, what I fail at... all of it. My hope is that it'll help someone else out there step out of their comfy zone and embrace a different approach to whatever their own passion is. And as always, I'll keep posting photos!

Anyways, that's my plan over the next little while... just in case you see some changes! Have a groovy Friday gang, and thanks for the ramble!

Passion for Personal Projects ~ Telephoto Tuesday

"And When I Say I Love You..."

I have some time between gigs, so I've given myself a couple personal projects to challenge myself and have fun at the same time. One was to learn how to use my flash better... and that will be a life long project for certain. But my less demanding project is inspired by my collection of ancient postcards and memories of vintage images my grandmother used to cut out of old magazines and keep about her house. She was essentially scrap booking before the name was invented... and all the cut-outs decorated her home simply because they brought her joy.

So, I've been out photographing roses (roses and vintage go hand and hand) and then adding some vintage flair in processing. I posted an example last week, and received an overwhelming response asking if I'm going to do a series or collection on canvas or cards. My intent all along, but had no idea it'd take hold so quickly.

So here's peak at yet another vintage photo, initially taken with my 55-200mm telephoto. I will be revealing them all on my website soon, and the option to buy a set of twelve cards as well, very practical, and very gift worthy.

I'm so enjoying the process of deciding which roses lend themselves to this aging effect, and carefully process each one without an action or preset, but hand tailored to suit each exposure.

Projects that bring you enjoyment are really a gift to yourself... have you given yourself a personal project, something that has sentimental attachments? It does the heart and soul good.

Thanks for the ramble ladies and gents! Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday!

Can't See The Forest for the Trees ~ Mono Monday!

"A Whisper Off the Beaten Path"

(1/160 sec.@ F/9, ISO 200, 19mm fl, 18-55 kit zoom, handheld, bright shade)

Still using images this week from my personal challenge. Last week I mentioned tightening my focus. Breaking down the bigger picture I'm usually prone to seeing. Not to say that there's anything wrong with the bigger picture if it speaks to you, and is so powerful it moves you. But sometimes you look back over your shoulder on your artistic journey and realize you're just following the exact same trail over and over with the same results. If growth is your destination, better switch your approach. And the photographer or artist who can recognize that for themselves will find ways to make that happen, and find inspiration along the way.

When I saw today's subject, I knew two things instantly. The first, that the final image would be B&W. There was a bit of sidelight, which enhances texture and outlines shape wonderfully for a mono shot. Second, and more importantly, that the tree alone, was the subject. This is rare for me, since my tendencies run towards using trees to fill out the scene of a landscape. Basically I use them as filler. This time, I got my camera as low as possible under the tree that hangs over onto the trail below. From a few inches off the forest floor I tilted my D80 upwards to stretch the perspective as much as the kit lens would allow. This allowed me to include the root system that runs over and through the bed of karst throughout the trail. In fact, when I return to this spot, I already know I'll try to scootch even closer to the gnarly base and shoot up. For a more extreme perspective. But hey, baby steps right?

(And for those who have asked me to dissect my processing, this image was taken into PSPx2 into the B&W filter, after I did some dodging and burning and the clarify filter applied only to the main tree and karst in a separate layer. Before I flattened the layers I used the eraser tool to reveal the work I did to the tree and rocks without the overall tones in the background changing to ensure the tree stands out nicely the way the side light lit it that afternoon.)

I am still pleased with the result. Dissecting the big picture to see more interesting subjects and details much closer, with better impact, is already paying off. No, it's not as close a shot as the birch bark posted last Thursday... but it's a different kind of subject isolation, for me anyways. Hence the title of the post today! Ignored the forest, and looked only at the trees...

Thanks for the Monday ramble gang! And for journeying along with me as I grow again. And for being so encouraging with your emails and comments and tweets... have a good one! And maybe spend this week finding a way to break out of your routine.